Myths and Fears ??? Feeling/Being Unwanted
Myth: Birth mothers “give up” their children for adoption because they do not want them or are teenagers who can't care for them.
Truth: There are many aspects to consider about this myth or misconception. For starters, a woman who is pregnant and considering an adoption plan is an expectant mother. She is not considered a birth mom until the child is placed. Secondly, a birth mother is not giving up her child but is carefully, and with much love, placing her child for adoption. There is a quote by Skye Hardwick that beautifully states, “A birth mother places the needs of her child above the wants of her heart”. This decision is one that is often conflicting, emotional, and painful, but is made out of unconditional, self less love. A birth mother may have various reasons for making this choice but none of them make the choice easy. It is said that a birth mother chooses to place twice, once when she is pregnant and then again after birth. Each time it is a fresh pain and a loving choice. They are certainly not giving up and they most definitely love their child.
Furthermore, It is not true that birth mothers are all young teenagers. In times gone past, this may have been true, however, it is no longer the norm. Most birth mothers are adults who are making an informed choice to place their child in a family that matches their desires and values. In a recent survey, there was actually a large increase in married couples who were placing their children for adoption.
If you are an expectant mother, who is considering an adoption plan, know that you have choices, options, and a voice. If you are a hopeful adoptive family or adoptive family, share with your child or future child that they were always loved and wanted. Tell them their story from the beginning and communicate to them the bravery and love which started the process.
*Disclaimer – This may be a bit trickier for adoption situations which contain incidents of abuse or neglect. It may not always be simple but there are always ways for you to help your child feel wanted and help them know their place in your home.
Let us help you explore your specific situation and find ways to help set your child up for success. Call Jennifer and ask about her adoption counseling.